What do women actually fantasize about?
The question has fascinated psychologists, sex researchers, journalists, marketers, and the general public for decades. Popular culture has produced countless assumptions about female sexuality, but scientific research paints a considerably more complex picture.
Women's sexual fantasies are not limited to conventional romantic scenarios, nor can they be reduced to a single preference. Research shows considerable diversity in the content of women's fantasies, including intimacy, novelty, power dynamics, multiple partners, romantic situations, and different forms of sexual exploration.
One of the most frequently cited studies on the subject is the research conducted by Christian C. Joyal, Amélie Cossette, and Vanessa Lapierre, published in The Journal of Sexual Medicine in 2015. The researchers surveyed 1,516 adults, including 799 women and 717 men, and asked participants to rate 55 different sexual fantasies and describe their own favorite fantasies.
The study is particularly interesting because it challenged the assumption that unusual-sounding sexual fantasies are necessarily rare.
In fact, the researchers found that 30 fantasies were common for one or both genders, while only five of the 55 fantasies qualified as "typical" according to their statistical definition. Submission and domination themes were also found to be common among both women and men.
Based on this research and related sexual-behavior literature, seven broad fantasy themes stand out as particularly interesting when discussing female sexual fantasies.
1. Being Dominated or Giving Up Control
One of the most interesting findings concerning women is the prevalence of fantasies involving submission, dominance, and giving up control.
The Joyal study found that being dominated was the most intense paraphilic-themed fantasy among women in its population-based analysis. Importantly, this does not mean that women generally want coercion or non-consensual sexual experiences. Fantasy, consensual role-play, and real-life preferences are different concepts.
The appeal of a fantasy involving submission can be psychological rather than literal.
For some people, the fantasy may involve temporarily removing responsibility, decision-making, or expectations. Instead of having to initiate, organize, or control the situation, the fantasy allows the person to imagine simply responding to someone else.
This is one reason why the concept of "giving up control" should not automatically be interpreted as wanting a lack of control in real life.
A fantasy can function as a mental space where ordinary social roles are temporarily reversed.
Why can this fantasy be attractive?
Several interpretations are possible.
A person who has substantial responsibilities in everyday life may find the idea of temporarily surrendering responsibility psychologically interesting. Another person may simply enjoy the emotional intensity associated with power exchange.
For some women, the fantasy may also involve trust.
Consensual submission requires the assumption that the other person is trustworthy and will respect boundaries.
This creates an interesting paradox:
A fantasy about surrendering control can actually depend heavily on the feeling of being safe and in control of one's boundaries.
2. Dominating a Partner
The opposite fantasy is equally important.
Although popular stereotypes sometimes associate women primarily with submissive fantasies, research does not support such a simple division.
The Joyal research found that domination and submission were both common themes among women and men, and that the two themes were significantly related.
This suggests that people should not necessarily be placed into rigid categories.
Someone can enjoy imagining themselves in control in one fantasy and surrendering control in another.
This concept is often described through the idea of switching roles.
The psychological appeal of dominance can include confidence, agency, control, initiative, and the feeling of being desired.
For some women, imagining themselves as the person who initiates or directs the situation can represent a form of sexual agency.
This is particularly interesting because older cultural stereotypes often portrayed female sexuality as passive.
Modern sexual research paints a considerably more complicated picture.
Women can fantasize about being desired, but they can also fantasize about being the person who actively chooses, initiates, controls, or directs the encounter.
3. Romantic and Emotionally Connected Sexual Experiences
Another major theme in women's sexual fantasies is the combination of sexuality and emotional intimacy.
This is important because sexual fantasy research does not support the stereotype that women are interested only in emotional romance while men are interested only in physical novelty.
Human sexual fantasy is multidimensional.
The Joyal research examined not only explicitly sexual elements but also broader contextual dimensions such as atmosphere, romance, emotions, and locations. The researchers found meaningful differences between clusters of participants, including predominantly female groups with stronger emotional components.
For many people, the imagined context can be just as important as the sexual event itself.
A fantasy may therefore involve:
Feeling intensely desired
Emotional closeness
Romantic atmosphere
Trust
Intimacy
A strong connection with another person
Feeling attractive or appreciated
This helps explain why purely statistical lists of "sexual acts" can miss an important part of female fantasy.
A fantasy is not necessarily just a physical scenario.
It can be an entire narrative.
4. Novelty and Sexual Exploration
Novelty is another recurring theme in sexual fantasy research.
Fantasy provides a relatively safe mental environment for imagining situations that might be unusual, unfamiliar, or outside everyday routines.
This does not mean that a person necessarily wants every fantasy to become reality.
The distinction between fantasy and intention is extremely important.
Someone can find an idea exciting precisely because it is imaginary, unusual, or outside their everyday life.
This is one reason sexual fantasy can contain scenarios that people would never actually pursue.
The Joyal study demonstrated that many fantasies traditionally considered unusual were considerably more common than expected.
Novelty can therefore be understood as a broader category rather than a single specific fantasy.
It can involve a new environment, different relationship dynamic, different role, unfamiliar situation, or simply breaking from routine.
5. Fantasies Involving More Than One Partner
Fantasies involving multiple partners are another recurring subject in sexual fantasy research.
They are particularly interesting because they demonstrate the difference between fantasy prevalence and real-life behavior.
A person can fantasize about a situation involving multiple people without wanting to experience that situation personally.
The fantasy may instead represent novelty, abundance of attention, being desired by multiple people, or simply curiosity about an unfamiliar scenario.
The Joyal study included multiple-partner themes among its 55 fantasy categories and found that many themes commonly regarded as unusual were not statistically rare.
This is an important lesson when interpreting sexual-fantasy surveys.
If someone reports a fantasy, researchers cannot automatically conclude that the person wants to act on it.
Fantasy is a psychological phenomenon in its own right.
Fantasy is not a shopping list
A useful way to think about sexual fantasies is that they are not necessarily a list of things someone wants to order from reality.
A person might enjoy imagining something because it is exciting, forbidden, unfamiliar, emotionally intense, or simply different.
The fantasy can therefore have value even when it remains entirely imaginary.
6. Being Desired and Feeling Sexually Attractive
Another important theme in women's sexual fantasies is the experience of being intensely desired.
This is slightly different from a specific sexual act.
The central fantasy is often about how the person feels rather than exactly what happens.
Being desired can involve:
Feeling attractive
Receiving attention
Feeling confident
Being pursued
Feeling sexually powerful
Feeling admired
Feeling completely accepted
This theme is particularly interesting because it connects sexuality with self-perception.
Sexual fantasy can provide an imagined version of oneself that feels confident, attractive, powerful, adventurous, or unrestricted.
Research into women's sexuality has repeatedly shown that subjective experience matters greatly, and broad population studies have found substantial diversity in the behaviors women find appealing. A nationally representative U.S. study of 1,046 women was part of a larger 2,021-person sample examining the appeal of more than 50 sexual behaviors.
The implication is important:
The emotional meaning of a fantasy can sometimes be more important than its specific physical details.
7. BDSM and Power-Exchange Fantasies
BDSM-related fantasies deserve their own category because they overlap with several of the themes already discussed.
They can involve dominance, submission, control, surrender, role reversal, trust, intensity, and experimentation.
The Joyal research found that submission and domination were common themes for both women and men rather than being rare exceptions.
This is consistent with other research showing that BDSM-related interests are more widespread than the number of people who actually identify with a BDSM label might suggest.
It is therefore useful to distinguish:
Fantasy → curiosity → occasional experimentation → regular practice → identity
These are not interchangeable categories.
Someone can enjoy imagining a particular power dynamic without identifying with BDSM.
Another person may incorporate similar dynamics into their private relationships.
A third person may consider BDSM an important part of their sexual identity.
The same fantasy theme can therefore exist at very different levels of personal importance.
Why Female Sexual Fantasies Are More Diverse Than Stereotypes Suggest
One of the most interesting conclusions from modern sexual research is that female sexual fantasy cannot be adequately described through a single stereotype.
Women are not one homogeneous group.
There are major differences between individuals, age groups, cultures, relationships, sexual orientations, and personal histories.
The Joyal study is particularly valuable because it examined a large number of fantasy categories rather than asking participants about only a few predefined behaviors. It found 30 fantasies that were common for one or both genders and emphasized that fantasies often considered unusual could actually be relatively widespread.
This suggests that sexual fantasy is better understood as a spectrum than as a collection of rigid categories.
The Difference Between Fantasy and Real-Life Desire
Perhaps the most important point when discussing this subject is the difference between fantasy and behavior.
A sexual fantasy does not automatically represent a person's intention.
Someone can imagine something without wanting to experience it.
Someone can enjoy fictional scenarios while having no interest in reproducing them.
Someone can also have fantasies that contradict their everyday personality or relationship preferences.
This is not necessarily unusual.
Fantasy exists partly because imagination allows people to explore possibilities without consequences.
For this reason, researchers have cautioned against automatically interpreting fantasy content as evidence of pathology or real-world behavior. The Joyal study explicitly argued that researchers should be careful before labeling fantasies as unusual or deviant and suggested paying attention to their effects rather than simply their content.
Why "Top 7" Should Not Be Treated as a Scientific Ranking
It is tempting to create an exact ranking:
Fantasy A
Fantasy B
Fantasy C
Fantasy D
Fantasy E
Fantasy F
Fantasy G
But the scientific evidence does not support such a universal ranking of women's fantasies.
Different studies use different questions.
Some measure:
Fantasy frequency
Fantasy intensity
Interest
Appeal
Lifetime experience
Recent experience
Actual behavior
Identity
These produce different results.
The Joyal study itself demonstrates this complexity because it used intensity ratings for 55 fantasy categories rather than asking a simple "What is your favorite?" question.
Therefore, the seven categories discussed here should be understood as major recurring themes, not as a definitive statistical ranking of all women.
What Research Says About Gender Differences
The research also challenges the idea that male and female fantasies exist in completely separate worlds.
There are differences.
For example, the Joyal research identified some fantasy patterns that differed significantly between genders. At the same time, many fantasies were common among both men and women.
This overlap is important.
The popular internet stereotype that men want one set of things while women want a completely different set is much too simplistic.
There is substantial common ground.
The differences are often more about frequency and intensity than absolute presence or absence.
The Role of Context
Context can dramatically change the meaning of a fantasy.
For example, the idea of being dominated may mean different things to different people.
For one person, it might represent trust and surrender.
For another, it might represent role-play.
For another, it might simply be an imaginary scenario that never leaves fantasy.
The same applies to fantasies involving multiple partners, novelty, dominance, submission, or romantic situations.
This is why sexual research increasingly treats fantasies as multidimensional psychological experiences rather than simple preferences.
What This Means for Understanding Women's Sexuality
The biggest lesson from the research is that women's sexuality is considerably more diverse than many cultural stereotypes suggest.
Women can fantasize about intimacy and novelty.
They can imagine dominance and submission.
They can fantasize about being pursued or taking the initiative.
They can imagine conventional romantic scenarios as well as unusual situations.
And different women can experience the same fantasy in completely different ways.
The Joyal research is particularly useful because it demonstrated that several fantasies traditionally considered unusual were actually common in the general population.
Conclusion
Research into women's sexual fantasies reveals a far more complex picture than popular stereotypes suggest.
Seven broad themes stand out:
Being dominated or giving up control
Dominating a partner
Romantic and emotionally connected experiences
Novelty and sexual exploration
Fantasies involving multiple partners
Being desired and feeling sexually attractive
BDSM and power-exchange fantasies
These categories overlap considerably. A single fantasy can contain several of them at the same time.
The most important scientific finding is not necessarily which fantasy comes first.
It is that sexual fantasy is highly diverse, and many fantasies that are assumed to be rare are actually relatively common.
The 2015 Joyal, Cossette and Lapierre study of 1,516 adults provides particularly strong evidence for this point. It found that 30 of the 55 fantasies examined were common for at least one gender, while submission and domination themes were common among both women and men.
Ultimately, there is no single "female fantasy."
There are millions of individual variations shaped by personality, relationships, culture, experience, curiosity, emotions, and imagination.
That diversity is arguably the most interesting finding of all.
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